Modern Technology
by WingedWolf121
Summary: The X-men of First Class have acquired facebook. Contains gross historical inaccuracy, references to Disney, Charles/Erik, and trolling. Unadulterated crack.


_A/N: WhatisthisIdon'teven…_

_Oh, and I have a story! My laptop doesn't acknowledge the internet anymore. So I WAS going to put up an epilogue for On Stalking, and update Fire Within, and update Aftermath and put up the final chapter of Semper, and post a whole new story about an X-men HighSchool Au, but they're all on my laptop. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr._

_In summation: Don't expect any new updates anytime soon, because I have no idea how to transfer this stuff_

_Also…omgfinalsweekisoverandit'sChristmasbreakandId on'thaveschool! And in History my teacher had a copy of "The History of the World According to Facebook" and then…well, it's not like I have schoolwork to worry over._

_Be warned: There is gross historical inaccuracy, Cherik, profanity, and randomness ahead. The first statement is someone posting their own status, then the following are comments on that_

_Happy Saturnalia everybody! Hope you have a great one._

**Charles Xavier** has joined facebook

**Erik Lensherr** has joined facebook

**Sean the Awesome** has joined facebook

**Dr. Hank McCoy** has joined facebook

**Alex Summers** has joined facebook

**Raven "Mystique" Xavier** has joined facebook

**Charles Xavier** Kids, don't forget to put your privacy settings high

(**Erik Lensherr** likes this)

**Sean the Awesome** Yeah, yeah, yeah. We know, jeez

**Dr. Hank McCoy** I agree with the Professor! Being careful is important

**Raven "Mystique" Xavier** Yeah, because injecting an untried formula into your foot is sooooooooo careful

(**Alex Summers** likes this)

* * *

><p><strong>Raven "Mystique" Xavier<strong> My outsides are cool, my insides are blue…

**Charles Xavier** When I see your face, there's not a thing that I would change, cause girl you're amazing, just the way you are

**Erik Lensherr** Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel, like you're less than, less than perfect

**Alex Summers** You're on the right track baby, you were born that way hey

**Sean the Awesome** *doesn't know any songs* but you're awesome!

**Dr. Hank McCoy** Um. I don't know any songs either

**Raven "Mystique" Xavier** That doesn't surprise me at all

(**Alex Summers**, **Sean the Awesome** and **Erik Lensherr** like this)

**Dr. Hank McCoy** Ooh, ooh, I got one! I'm blue, dabadee dabadoo!

**Alex Summers** …

**Sean the Awesome** lol

**Charles Xavier** Hank…you know what, I'm not even going to bother

(**Erik Lensherr** likes this)

**Raven "Mystique" Xavier** The pure absurdity of that actually made me feel better

**Raven "Mystique" Xavier** Oh, and you guys are all awesome =)

* * *

><p><strong>Sebastian Shaw<strong> **Erik Lensherr** I'm coming for you

**Erik Lensherr** OMG WTF I PUT A COIN IN YOUR HEAD

**Sean the Awesome** We're all screwed aren't we?

(**Azazel** and **Janos Quested** like this)

**Charles Xavier** Crap…okay, nobody panic, we can kill him again

**Alex Summers** Not to distract from the whole "Bad Guy Alive" thing, but who the hell is Janos Quested?

**Janos Quested** I throw winds at people

**Alex Summers** Oh, you're the dude with the awesome hair!

(**Janos Quested** likes this)

**Erik Lensherr** Can we please focus on the fact that SHAW IS BACK?

**Sebastian Shaw** lol, it's Emma. I was going to deactive his account since he's dead but I thought it'd be funny to mess with you all first

**Erik Lensherr** …

**Charles Xavier** Seriously? You have too much time on your hands

**Sebastian Shaw **At least I don't spend all my time playing homoerotic chess

**Raven "Mystique" Xavier **STFU, that chess is fun to watch

**Moira McTagger **Homoerotic?

**Charles Xavier** Thank you, Emma.

* * *

><p><strong>Sean the Awesome<strong> Totally trippin ;)

(**Alex Summers** likes this)

**Sean the Awesome** I scored some funny stuff dude, u gotta get to my room!

**Charles Xavier** Ahem.

**Alex Summers** He found a new joke book that he wants to show me!

**Charles Xavier** Boys, I went to college.

**Dr. Hank McCoy **Busted.

**Sean the Awesome** LOLZ!

**Charles Xavier** Oh, dear…Erik, I need some help here

* * *

><p><strong>Erik Lensherr<strong> changed his relationship status to **Married **to **Charles Xavier**

**Erik Lensherr** changed his name to **Erik Xavier**

(**Sean the Awesome, Alex Summers, Raven "Mystique" Xavier, Dr. Hank McCoy, Janos Quested, Azazel, Emma Frost **and **Angel Salvadore** like this)

**Charles Xavier** Um. I'm not quite sure how to take this

**Charles Xavier **Goddammit Raven, get off my account!

**Charles Xavier** And this is Erik speaking, since my actual account was HACKED!

**Raven "Mystique" Xavier **=)

**Charles Xavier** RAVEN

**Emma Frost** And you people claim Hank is the genius

(**Raven "Mystique" Xavier** likes this)

**Charles Xavier** Raven. Give Erik the passwords before he splatters my page with profanity

**Raven "Mystique" Xavier** Okay okay…I changed it to ConstipatedJazzHands

**Charles Xavier** …

**Azazel **lol

* * *

><p><strong>ConstipatedJazzHands<strong> **Charles Xavier** How the hell do I change it back?

**Charles Xavier** I'm not omnipotent, you know

(**Emma Frost** likes this)

* * *

><p><strong>Erik Xavier<strong> This is all I could do. Fml.

**Sean the Awesome** lol

**Alex Summers** Well it is sorta true…

(**Raven "Mystique" Xavier **and **Dr. Hank McCoy** like this)

**Charles Xavier** *Sigh* Will one of you young people help him with this? He's practically frothing at the mouth, and I don't know how long I can take it.

**Raven "Mystique" Xavier** You don't even need us to add to the subtext

**Dr. Hank McCoy** Just delete that account and make another one

**Erik Xavier **IT WON'T LET ME

**Dr. Hank McCoy** O.o

**Erik Xavier** You are not helpful

**Charles Xavier **There there dear. Have something to eat.

**Moira McTaggert** Wait, I'm confused.

**Raven "Mystique" Xavier** Shock

(**Alex Summers** and **Azazel** like this)

* * *

><p><strong>Raven "Mystique" Xavier<strong> Feeling like an evil mastermind

(**Azazel** likes this)

**Erik Xavier** You're grounded

**Raven "Mystique" Xavier** Dislike

* * *

><p><strong>Sean the Awesome<strong> I just discovered Disney

**Dr. Hank McCoy** A Spoonful of Sugar Makes the Medicine Go Down

**Alex Summers** Friend Like Me ;)

**Raven "Mystique" Xavier **When will my reflection show, who I am inside…

(**Azazel** and **Dr. Hank McCoy** like this)

**Sean the Awesome** Hakuna Matata Raven!

**Janos Quested **super-cali-fragalistic-expialidocious!

**Emma Frost** Omg seriously Riptide?

**Janos Quested** It was necessary

(**Sean the Awesome** likes this)

**Emma Frost** Oh what the hell…Be prepared for the coup of a lifetime, be prepared for the murkiest scam, a shining new era, is tiptoeing nearer

**Janos Quested** You would

**Angel Salvadore **So, can any of you paint with all the colors of the wind?

**Sean the Awesome** Only when I'm unda da sea!

**Raven "Mystique" Xavier** I Won't Say I'm in Love-Okay, so whose theme song is this?

(**Azazel** likes this)

**Dr. Hank McCoy** I don't understand how neither of them can feel the love every freaking night

**Charles Xavier** Great. This again.

**Raven "Xavier" Mystique** Use a Disney song or you are not allowed to Be Our Guest on this status

(**Azazel** likes this)

**Charles Xavier** …without my credit card, you all won't even have the Bare Necessities

**Azazel** In fairness, Charles is rich and Erik…well, He's a Tramp

**Angel Salvadore** Just because his financial status is about the equivalent to that of a chim-chiminee chim-chiminee chim chim, cheroo doesn't mean they aren't meant to be

(**Alex Summers**, **Raven "Mystique" Xavier** and **Sean the Awesome** like this)

**Erik Xavier** WTF are you people talking about?

**Alex Summers** Okay, everybody together now…New, and a bit alarming, who would have ever thought that this could be? True, Erik's no Prince Charming, but there's something there that Charles simply does see

**Sean the Awesome** Now, you see him, sitting there across the way, he don't got a lot to say, but there's something about him, and you don't know why but you're dying to try, you wanna, kiss the telepath

**Erik Xavier** Have you MET Charles? He has PLENTY to say

**Dr. Hank McCoy** Both a little scared, neither one prepared…

**Erik Xavier **That doesn't make sense

**Raven "Mystique" Xavier** You poor unfortunate souls, you really don't get it

**Erik Lensherr** Fuuuuuuuuuuu

**Charles Xavier ***sigh* I wish I could be, part of your world…

**Erik Xavier** WTF?

**Erik Xavier** *Going to Google this shit*

**Erik Xavier** Ooooh. Now I'm in a whole new world with you…

**Charles Xavier** oh

**Charles Xavier** Ps: You kids? You'll be in my heart.

**Erik Xavier** Even if you are a spineless pale, pathetic lot, and you haven't got a clue

* * *

><p><strong>Raven "Mystique" Xavier Sean the Awesome<strong> Highfive

(**Everyone in the World** likes this)

* * *

><p><strong>Raven "Mystique" Xavier<strong> Five million bucks says Charles and Erik are married in a week

(**Azazel** likes this)

**Dr. Hank McCoy** Okay seriously, am I the only one noticing that Azazel has liked almost EVERY SINGLE ONE of Raven's statuses?

**Raven "Mystique" Xavier** Aaaand?

(**Azazel** likes this)

**Raven "Mystique" Xavier** But srsly, wtf is up with you Azazel?

**Azazel** I'm red, you're blue. We should make purple.

**Dr. Hank McCoy** /askfhkjjgdfkgKILL

**Alex Summers** Boss pick up line

**Charles Xavier** If you lay a hand on my sister, I will make your brain matter ooze out your ears

(**Erik Xavier** likes this)

**Erik Xavier** And I'll riddle your head with holes

(**Charles Xavier** likes this)

**Charles Xavier** And I'll turn off all the switches in your brain that allow you to engage in coitus

(**Erik Xavier** likes this)

**Erik Xavier** And I'll rip your tail off with my bare hands

(**Charles Xavier **likes this)

**Raven "Mystique" Xavier** …I'm never going to have a date in my life, am I?

**Dr. Hank McCoy** Um, hello?

**Charles Xavier** No.

**Erik Xavier** No.

**Sean the Awesome** …coitus?

* * *

><p><strong>Azazel<strong> is sort of scared for my life now. This is new.

(**Charles Xavier** and **Erik Xavier** like this)

**Janos Quested** Stick with mutants who don't have overprotective parents.

**Emma Frost** Young, appealing, Spanish, floppy haired, wind manipulating mutants you mean?

**Janos Quested** STFU Emma

* * *

><p><strong>Moira McTaggert<strong> **Charles Xavier** Um, Charles?

**Moira McTaggert** Charles? Charles? Charles?

**Moira McTaggert** Come on, I want to talk to you about some government stuff!

**Sean the Awesome** Don't bother. He's "playing chess" with Erik

(**Raven "Mystique" Xavier **and **Alex Summers** like this)

**Moira McTaggert** Why are there quotation marks?

**Emma Frost** Oh, honey…

* * *

><p><strong>Dr. Hank McCoy<strong> figured out this awesome new serum!

**Raven "Mystique" Xavier** …please tell me you're kidding

**Dr. Hank McCoy** No, this one will work! It's for the Professor, to help stop the headaches he gets from using Cerebro!

**Charles Xavier** Hank, are you absolutely sure about this?

**Dr. Hank McCoy** Totally! It's foolproof

* * *

><p><strong>Charles Xavier<strong> **Dr. Hank McCoy** HANK.

**Dr. Hank McCoy** Huh?

**Erik Xavier** Your serum fails

**Alex Summers** Like no one saw THAT coming…

(**Raven "Mystique" Xavier** likes this)

**Angel Salvadore** What happened?

**Sean the Awesome** OMG YOU GUYS I JUST SAW HIM HE'S BALD

**Raven "Mystique" Xavier** Oh my gawd…

**Azazel** Sign of the Apocalypse, just sayin'

**Janos Quested** Am I now the only one with awesome hair?

**Emma Frost** LOL!

**Hot Blonde # 2 **NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

**Erik Xavier** Fix. Now.

**Erik Xavier** Also, who the hell is she?

**Hot Blonde # 2** Charles hit on me in a bar once. His hair persuaded me to go home with him despite the crap pick-up lines

(**1298** people like this)

**Erik Xavier** Back off, bitch.

**Sean the Awesome** Hisssss

(**Alex Summers** and **Dr. Hank McCoy** like this)

**Charles Xavier** Oh dear Lord…Erik, she's a perfectly nice girl and if you want to kill every single person I've ever hit on in a bar, you are going to have a LONG list. Now get back into the bedroom and comfort me.

(**Raven "Mystique" Xavier** likes this)

**Raven "Mystique" Xavier** That bar thing? So true.

**Alex Summers** Yeah, get some!

* * *

><p><strong>Sebastian Shaw<strong> Lol, there are so many hilarious pictures of us drunk in this account

**Erik Xavier** Quit using that account, I don't need to see Shaw popping up in my notifications

**Charles Xavier** Emma, you're upsetting him. Quit it.

**Sebastian Shaw** No. This is fun.

**Sean the Awesome** trolololol

(**Erik Xavier** likes this)

**Emma Frost** Shut up, ginger!

**Sean the Awesome** Gingers rock.

**Emma Frost** Soulless freaks

**Charles Xavier** Hey! No calling any of the kids freaks!

**Emma Frost** What are you going to do about it?

**Charles Xavier** I've got a powerful telepathic mutation and Cerebro. Use your imagination.

(**Erik Xavier **likes this)

**Emma Frost** I'd like to see you try

**Charles Xavier** Bring it, bitch.

**Azazel** Shit is about to go down.

(**Raven "Mystique" Xavier, Dr. Hank McCoy, Sean the Awesome, Erik Xavier, Alex Summers **and **Janos Quested** like this)

* * *

><p><strong>Charles Xavier<strong> added new album **Stupid Things People Do When I Telepathically Control Them**

**Janos Quested** O.O What is she…

**Janos Quested** XD This is the most amazing thing I've ever seen. **Azazel**, come see!

**Emma Frost** How much do you want to take those down?

**Charles Xavier** No more bullying my children.

**Emma Frost** Alright alright!

**Azazel Emma Frost** I TOLD you not to mess with the overprotective parents

* * *

><p><strong>Raven "Mystique" Xavier<strong> **Charles Xavier** Cwedit Card Pwease? I need new clothes

**Charles Xavier** Sigh…yes dear.

**Erik Xavier** CHARLES!

**Charles Xavier** Look, at least she's not wandering around naked

**Raven "Mystique" Xavier** Or wearing a cardigan every single day

(**Emma Frost** likes this)

**Charles Xavier** Go bother Erik, his entire wardrobe consists of a bunch of turtlenecks

**Erik Xavier** Turtlenecks ROCK

**Raven "Mystique" Xavier** Notice how nobody liked that.

**Emma Frost** As the one who finally got the Hellfire club wearing Armani suits (Riptide would frolic about in poolboy shorts all the time if no one stopped him), I agree with Raven. Turtlenecks must be used in moderation.

(**Raven "Mystique" Xavier** likes this)

**Sean the Awesome** Um, you guys do know that the Prof. is wearing one of Erik's turtlenecks now, right?

**Emma Frost** …

**Raven "Mystique" Xavier** …

**Janos Quested** What's wrong with poolboy shorts?

**Azazel** Nothing. Also, notice how I restrained from commenting on Raven's nudity?

**Charles Xavier** And keep it that way. And I was out of clean laundry, since it was Sean's day to do laundry and Sean decided he would vanish for an afternoon.

**Raven "Mystique" Xavier** Riiiiiight.

**Raven "Mystique" Xavier** Anyway Emma, what do you recommend for my shopping spree?

**Emma Frost** Budget?

**Raven "Mystique" **Nonexistent

**Erik Xavier** No, it's not. You'll end up maxing the card

**Charles Xavier** ...probably not

**Raven "Mystique" Xavier** Lol, you have no idea.

**Alex Summers** we do live in a castle

**Dr. Hank McCoy** Yeah, how much money does the Professor actually have?

**Alex Summers** And how did he get it?

**Charles Xavier** Pfft, please.

**Raven "Mystique" Xavier** Guys, I'm trying to have a conversation. Unless you have something helpful to contribute about fashion, gtfo

(**Emma Frost** likes this)

**Emma Frost** For Charles you definitely want something blue, to bring out his eyes, but Erik is tougher…dark colors, I think, and solids.

**Raven "Mystique" Xavier** Hmm, yes. I'm torn about red though.

**Emma Frost** Have you seen either in winter colors? I think Charles would look just ravishable, but Erik could only pull of some of the schemes

**Raven "Mystique" Xavier** Really? I always thought of Charles as a spring.

**Alex Summers** …can you two PLEASE move this to private messaging?

(**Charles Xavier**, **Erik Xavier**, **Sean the Awesome**,** Azazel**, **Janos Quested** and **Dr. Hank McCoy** like this)

* * *

><p><strong>Sean the Awesome<strong> **Erik Xavier** Dad! You were supposed to be here to help us clean out the attic an hour ago!

**Alex Summers** Ikr! Late much?

**Erik Xavier** A mutant is never late. He arrives precisely when he means to.

(**Charles Xavier** likes this)

**Charles Xavier** :D

**Sean the Awesome** Dad? Dad? DAD?

**Sean the Awsome** Mom? Moooooooom! Moooooooooooooooom?

**Alex Summers** I'm guessing they're going to be unavailable for awhile…

* * *

><p><strong>Erik Xavier<strong> Will someone explain to me why people who aren't genetically related to me are now referring to me in a paternal manner?

**Charles Xavier** At least you aren't the mother

**Raven "Mystique" Xavier** Oh lord…look. You're married. You look after us. Thus parents.

(**Dr. Hank McCoy**, **Alex Summers** and **Sean the Awesome** like this)

**Janos Quested** Still doesn't explain why the Prof. is a girl

**Dr. Hank McCoy** My room is right next to theirs. I'll explain in a pm.

* * *

><p><strong>Charles Xavier<strong> **World's Best Carpenters **I need to talk to you about soundproofing

* * *

><p><strong>Moira McTaggert<strong> OMG I get it now!

**Raven "Mystique" Xavier** Finally.

**Moira McTaggert** Charles and Erik are always working on Cerebro!

**Raven "Mystique" Xavier** *headdesk*

**Moira McTaggert** Kidding.

**Sean the Awesome **wait what

**Moira McTaggert** You do realize that I work for the CIA? I had this figured out months ago.

(**Raven Xavier** likes this)

**Sean Cassidy** *slow clap for trolling skills*

**Moira McTaggert** you ain't seen nothing yet

* * *

><p><strong>Moira McTaggert<strong> created new page **Cherik Lovers United**

(**Raven Xavier** and **87693 others **like **Cherik Lovers United**)

**Charles Xavier** How did...Argh.

_A/N: I don't even understand this. Please review anyway?_

_Disclaimer: I don't own MARVEL, or facebook (duh) or Disney, or P!nk or Bruno Mars (I don't even like him) or Lady Gaga or whoever the heck came up with the "I'm blue" song._


End file.
